i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
