i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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