I wish I could punch you in the face.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
