Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
