Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
