I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize