he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
