What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
