Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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