You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
