Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
