Soap is not a condiment
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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