I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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