I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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