he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
