Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
