Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
