ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
