If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
