Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
