Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
