I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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