ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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