How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
