so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
