I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
