Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
