her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize