I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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