I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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