and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
