Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
