the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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