they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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