I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
