I wish you could order shots online.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
