He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
