Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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