you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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