You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
