I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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