I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
