just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
