Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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