Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
