All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
