she looked like the bat from fern gully.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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