ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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