Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
