He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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