Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
