He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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