i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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