Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
