Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
