OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
