went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
