I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
