So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize