it wasn't lemon gatorade
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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