True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
