who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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