We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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