the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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