Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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