the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
