redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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