Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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