Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
