when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
