You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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