Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
