hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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