Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
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And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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